By Ben Esch

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WHO: Dixie Nguyen (no, not “Nig Goo Yun”) a.k.a the lead (and only) reporter for the school newspaper

WHAT: A chance for Dixie to scoop the biggest drug scandal in the history of high school athletics–provided that he can stay out of juvenile hall, the hospital, and new age therapy long enough to piece the story together

WHEN: Homecoming week

WHERE: Stilton, California

Population: 5,864

Vietnamese population: Dixie Nguyen

HOW: Using the power of investigative reporting–along with a little help from a cheerleader-turned-goth, a menopausal journalism teacher, and maybe even the hippie school counselor, nicknamed Huggy Bear

WHY: Because the Pulitzer would look pretty sweet on a college application